Lori took me to the doctor here in Rome today. I took several attempts to hand Lori my tablet after writing that last blog I was losing my balance and was falling around sort of drunk feeling, falling, etc… Lori took me to see Dr. Spencer and they took my blood pressure (132/82) which was fine, and my EKG (122 bpm), which showed I had tachycardia, or accelerated heart rate. He gave me some meds to help. This happened once before several months ago. The CTCA was not too concerned at the time. So I’m not too concerned at the point. Lori keeps leading me around like an old man, it frustrates me to be led around, it makes me feels like an invalid. Bless her heart, I know it scares her to death to see me that way. It scares me, too. Lori thinks it’s my sleeping meds. We’ll back off these for a bit and see how and see how they effect my sleep. If I go back to not sleeping we will get them straitened out. Anyway, just wanted to let you know how bad this cancer sucks. I always seem to fluff up the truth and make it seems like I’m doing so good (the sin of pride is the toughest to lay down, even when I do lay it down it is just me trying to do the right thing), but in actuality it has been a tough row to hoe. This disease being so tough is why I love you guys so much.
I’m going to my friend house on Saturday afternoon, apparently to celebrate Maya’s birthday. but it is the LSU vs. Alabama game. Guess I need to crack out some gold and purple. Haha No just afraid that the game will be better than the Appalachian State vs. UGA.
Friday and Saturday I felt really good. The ‘pre-meds’ and steroids helped me feel better. Sunday came crashing down on me like a wave. Not a good feeling. Chemo brain the shakes, everything. The next morning I had all that and mucus in my throat. Lori has me on Mucinex just to try and break it up. Well yesterday around 3:00PM Lori asked if I wanted to go pick up the kids from school and I felt well enough to jump on it. So here I sit, trying, to gather me thoughts, shake some of this chemo brain. Lori bought me a Mean Bean this morning to help get me going toady.
Enough rambling, we have lost a very dear friend this week. His cancer started in an un disclosed origin but it had worked it’s way to his brain. In August CTCA told his wife the there was nothing left for them to do. After spending about a week at home Doug had to go to a hospice center to get the care that he needed. Come to think of it grapes come in bunches, a small community, a family or people bound by something we all have in common. He was part of our group and I will really miss him, and I know that the others in the bunch feel the same way. He will be greatly missed. The sense of community that we have felt at CTCA reminds me of a bunch of grapes . We look at the bunch in it’s perfection. You take out one or two of the grapes in the middle and it leaves an awful gap.
That gap in our bunch is beginning to look like a whole in our bunch. Sweet people are dropping out of our bunch. People look at our bunch and they may see the holes but what they are not seeing is the fine wine that the Lord is making out of each and everyone of the grapes that fall out. The wine Christ makes out of us is perfect and delicious. It is his perfection that covers us. Just like the water at the wedding at Galilee, Jesus just has to pass over us to make us perfect. Our friends have reached perfection already.
So today it makes me feel better to think about the sweet wine of perfection that Christ can make out of each us. I’m comforted by the way Christ loves us, the way God cares for us, the way the Holy Ghost walks with us.
Early this morning Doug I. went to be with his heavenly father. Now there is no pain, no suffering, no worrying. Connie and their family has a lot on their plate now and needs our prayers during her time of loss.
In the bible, every time an angel appears the first thing it says “”Do not fear!” or some other phrase based on your version of the bible. I find that amazing. I know they will be beautiful, beautiful beyond recognition, hence the do not fear. Which angel picture do you think an angel will more resemble?
Lori and I had a trying time at CTCA this week. After I had my CT/PET Scan on Wednesday I had a little physical therapy and the day was done. Lori and I were praying for good news and spent the night relaxing in our room after supper.
Thursday morning came early with pain in my left arm. I was in excruciating pain. Lori and I spent the early portion of the morning waiting on Quality of Life to get in. If you look back a couple of post you will find Dr. Castro. Once again she came to the rescue. She provided a couple of shot and talked about rearranging my meds to make my medical regimen easy and more effective. I am ALL for easier and more effective. She helped me all day to help keep pain at bay so that I could make my schedule and stay on point.
During the day we met with Dr. Randolph to find out the result of the CT/PET Scan. Dr. R came in and said, “I have some good news and some bad news, which do you want first.” I said let’s get the bad news out of the way. The bad news is that I am probably going to have another surgery. It appears that my thoracic duct is leaking lymph fluid into the upper portion of my chest. It is causing the defect in my neck to leak profusely and really needs to be closed up. This has come at a bad time. Let’s talk about the good news.
Here’s the good news. Our chemo recipe is a good one. The cancer is being pushed backed. We have our foot on the head of the snake. Each of the lymph nodes have shrunk and are not near as bright as they were on the last PT/CET Scan. We look like if we could keep pushing the lymph nodes would disappear completely. However, we have to stop to make time for this surgery, which can give the cancer time to regain it’s footing.
So that’s where we are at. God has provided a true blessing in the fact that the cancer is going away and we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. God has also provided what we see right now as an obstacle. It will be a point of praise before it is all over. We will see this obstacle through in obedience with God’s will.
We also saw Linda U. Her son Jonathan also got good news this week. As of right now, his cancer has stopped growing and that is a great praise.
God bless all of you. Thank you for the continued prayers. Please keep us in your prayers as we still have many obstacles to overcome to see God’s glory.
I have been doing a lot of planning and thinking and worrying this week. I have to admit that I have forgotten the most important thing for someone in my position. God is in control and there is nothing that will happen that God has not already seen approved and ordained to happen just as He wills. Please help me to pray for His will to be done in my life in all the ways that I have forgotten about His supremacy.
I have decided I want a dog and I have chosen what I think will be the perfect dog. I need to leave this in His hands, too. If I take control the only result will be disaster.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones. Proverbs 3:5-8 ESV
Help me to come to grips with this. I will pray that I can lay this and other worries at the feet of Christ and not pick them up again. And that really is that key. To have faith in Christ that he will have answers for my prayers in His time and with His answer. Better than anything I can come up with. Thanks for your help reminding me of this and helping me with your prayers. God bless!!
Lori is busting her hump this week on two major projects. She is swapping out winter clothes and we are in a major push to get all of our junk off the floor. We are having the exterminators to spray the house. I have been struggling this week and I just can’t help her doing what she doing. It hurts my heart to just be here “in case”. She is an amazing woman and there is NO WAY I could have found one this good on my own. I had to be led to her by Divine Intervention. Just one more way God has steered my life long before I hit the rocks and really needed Him.
God is good and it is hard to see His timing until you turn around and look back. So have faith when God moves and you don’t understand what He is doing. One day you will look back and things will be crystal clear. Practice looking back to see what God has done. When you do this it gives you a confidence in His work. Lori, to me, gives me confidence that He has already prepared a way for me.
It’s strange. This chemo has no discernible pattern as to how it is going to effect me. Last week an amazing week. I had no effects except on last Sunday. This week it split between Saturday and Sunday. I hope tomorrow will be a better day.
God stepped up this week and He asked a dear friend of my to help us out. Lori and I had let our truck sit too long. The battery had died, I thought it just needed a charge but our friend thought it might be more. Sure enough, it was DEAD. He fixed it. We really appreciate our friends, now and in the recent past that have silently come to our rescue, no doubt at the prompting of the Holy Ghost.
There is one especially that I would love to name but he’s not that kind of guy. He understands the prompting of the Lord and how that works. Some friends have rescued us by doing things for us, and there are those who have provided the means for us to do what needed to be done. We couldn’t have survived thus far without the generosity and I know we would not be able to survive the things to come without continued help from friends, family, and the Holy Spirit. These friends and family members are great examples for me. I can’t wait to be on that side of giving again.
Answer the calling of the Holy Spirit. Learn to say yes. My missionary friends said that it was hard, but as they learned to say yes, it became easier. It was easier to hear the Holy Spirit ask, and easier to say yes. During this time they saw the blessing truly begin to flow in their lives. So keep your heart open to the callings of the Holy Spirit and say yes.